Square Cookies

Two days ago, I decided to do some holiday baking. If you’ve been a fan of this blog for a while, you know I’m not the most intrepid baker—and when I do break out the hand mixer, it’s generally only for shortbreads and chocolate chip cookies. At some point in my thirty-four trips around the sun, I latched onto the belief that I’m “not a baker” and “don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to desserts.” Yet at least once per year, I’m compelled to dispel these myths about myself. And every year, though the results are seldom perfect, there is always a noticeable improvement over the prior year’s attempts.

2025 is nearing its conclusion, and that means I find myself reflecting on everything that has happened over the past twelve months—from putting in our very first offer on a house, to starting a new job, butchering an artichoke, and buying a car. I started—and finished—the prequel to my series (which I’d never planned on writing in the first place) and let all my lofty plans to become a regular “Author Tuber” fly off into the ether. How I found time for all this I’ll never know, but one thing is for certain: I’m ready (and excited) for whatever comes next.

Which brings me back to the cookies. For years I have struggled to make them properly: not tough, not lumpy, not dry, just buttery, melt-in-your-mouth goodness. I experimented with countless recipes and measured my ingredients religiously, thinking perhaps the fault lay in the quantity of baking soda or the brand of chocolate chips I was using. I couldn’t understand how a classic sweet treat could defeat me so easily.

But then, two days ago, I took another crack at it. And dear reader… they turned out DIVINE.

I don’t mean to brag, but these chocolate chip cookies might just be the best things I’ve ever baked. They’re sweet (but not too sweet), buttery, chewy. I may or may not be writing this blog in an effort to prevent myself from sneaking back into the kitchen for another one.

The only problem is… they’re square cookies. You see, they did exactly what they were supposed to do—they spread—but instead of aesthetically-pleasing circles, they formed a landmass of flour and sugar on the baking sheet. I essentially created a brookie, minus the brownie.

My books often feel the same way. Nothing I write will ever be perfect, even if I follow all the “writing rules” and stick to tried-and-true plotting methods. Yet each year I circle back to the blank page with an almost comical level of determination, convinced that this time, THIS book, will change everything.

Perhaps one day, that’ll be true. Composed turned out better than I’d hoped for. I’m also drafting a psychological thriller set in Nipigon, ON: it’s a dual, first-person POV story featuring a widower and a single mom. I think I might try querying it, like I did with The Absentees, but I’m also deeply afraid that after so many years of uploading my books to Amazon, I’m not cut out for the world of traditional publishing. Even if I get an offer of representation, and even if a publisher acquires the book, and even if it ends up on a shelf at Chapters or Barnes & Noble, there are no guarantees I’ll be able to deliver on the next book.

What’s worse, I think, is the fact that I don’t even let myself try sometimes. I’ve fallen into the trap of mistaking self-doubt for modesty and inertia for quality control. Self-publishing feels “safe” to me simply because I can control virtually every step of the creative process. But when safety comes at the cost of growth, it’s time to step back and re-evaluate.

I’m calling it now (and writing it here for posterity): 2026 will be the year I face my fear of being a square cookie.

As always, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has bought my books, read my blog, and watched my videos this year. Thank you for being part of this journey, putting up with my ramblings, and proving that I’m not just screaming into the void. I hope you stick around as I continue doing what I love most: telling stories that linger long after the last page.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! May 2026 be everything you hope for, and more.